Know your glimmers

To manage stress and burnout well, the leaders I coach need to know when they’re in their windows of tolerance and when they’re out of them. But they also need to know what pushes them out of their windows—and how to get back in.

Most of us want to stay in a grounded, connected place where we can navigate life well. But as psychotherapist Deb Dana writes, we’re constantly moving inside and outside our windows over the course of a day.

Wake up in the morning feeling tired and grouchy? You’re out of your window. Feel better after your morning cup of coffee? You’re back in!

Rough morning commute? Out of your window. Have a stimulating meeting that leaves you feeling productive? You’re right back in.

And so on.

For each of us, Dana writes, what moves us in and out our windows is different for each of us. If you’re a morning person, for instance, you pretty much wake up in your window, while a night person won’t.

The challenge is to future out what those things are. Dana calls the things that push us out of our windows “triggers” and the things that pull us back in and keep us there “glimmers.”

Knowing your triggers and your glimmers is vital for managing your stress and showing up well.

Here’s how you do it.

First, take a day or two doing the “green-red-yellow” exercise I described yesterday. Check in with yourself. When are you feeling green? Red? Yellow?

Then, when you have a chance—either in the moment or later—take some notes on what was happening around you or what you were doing. What might have put you in that place?

For instance, you might find that being criticized or a particular topic of conversation really sets you off or leaves you feeling overwhelmed. Those are triggers.

Conversely, you might find that reading a book, talking with a friend, having a frappuccino, or walking in nature settles you. Those are glimmers.

This information leaves you in a much better position to resource yourself. If you can anticipate your triggers or recognize how they might be affecting you, you can use a glimmer to help you find your feet—or never get pushed off your feet in the first place.

For this reason, while knowing your triggers is important, knowing your glimmers—and finding ways to surround yourself with them—is even more so. Counselor Aundi Kolber compares glimmers as little sparks of warmth and light around us. To resource ourselves well, she argues, we need to learn how to see them, blow gently on them, and bask in their glow.

What are your glimmers? Want to learn how to help them nourish you? Book your free Discovery Session here.