Many leaders I coach are struggling with their “why.” In their burnout, they’re contending with one of what psychiatrist Irvin Yalom sees as our four basic fears: meaninglessness.

If the leaders I coach are going to avoid burnout, they need to befriend the fears that lead them to get in their own way. Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom observes that some of our deepest fears don’t sound like fears at all. Take the way we might fear our freedom.

The leaders I coach know emotional intelligence is vital for leading sustainably. Though there are many ways of assessing our emotional intelligence, a simple way is just making a list of the emotions you can both name and experience.

The workplaces that are burning the leaders I coach out all have one thing in common: a culture of fear—fears of things that cut to the core of who we are. Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom names four core fears. The first is isolation.

Leading sustainably means prioritizing our self-care. The leaders I coach often see self-care in terms of taking time off, getting exercise, and scheduling spa days. Therapist Deb Dana says we also need to be looking for what she calls “glimmers.”

The comic book hero “Green Lantern” has a unique ring with spectacular powers limited by his own will. Many of the leaders I coach assume their lives work the same way. But this “Green Lantern theory” of life is a recipe for burnout.

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. Traveling, cooking, hosting, and navigating the conflicts around the table are so stressful. We’re trying so hard. What if we followed therapist Aundi Kolber’s advice and tried softer?

In “Strong Like Water,” therapist Aundi Kolber writes that white-knuckling our way through life’s challenges is profoundly toxic for us and the people we serve. The leaders I coach deserve a different type of strength—what she calls “integrated strength.”

The leaders I coach all want to be strong. But what type of strong do we want to be? Therapist Aundi Kolber says there are actually three types of strength. If we’re going to avoid burnout, we need to understand all three.

Every day, the leaders I coach have hard conversations—some more so than others. In these moments, therapist Aundi Kolber says distinguishing discomfort from harm is vital for avoiding burnout in themselves and others.

Many of the leaders I coach believe being a good leader starts with what they know, what they can do, or what experiences they have. But healthy leadership starts much deeper. It starts with feeling safe.

When we’re burned out, we might hear from others (or ourselves) that we just need to draw better boundaries. That’s good advice. But some of the leaders I coach need to do something else first.

Growing up, many of us learned to overrule our bodies. That “no pain, no gain” sentiment primes us for burn out. Many of the leaders I coach have to learn to listen to their bodies, maybe for the first time.

Some of the leaders I coach think their burnout just affects them. That’s understandable. When we’re miserable, we focus on our own frustration first. Yet, burnout and the emotions around it are contagious.

To manage stress and burnout well, the leaders I coach need to know when they’re in their windows of tolerance and when they’re out of them. But they also need to know what pushes them out of their windows—and how to get back in.

Knowing our windows of tolerance can help us navigate our stress and burnout. Coach Jerry Colonna’s simple “red-green-yellow” tool helps the leaders I coach apply this concept in their everyday lives.

The leaders I coach have to engage in challenging conversations all the time. For them, checking in with their window of tolerance—and understanding others’ windows of tolerance—is vital for managing burnout.

Are you a “white-knuckler”? Counselor Aundi Kolber uses the term to describe a common way of dealing with challenges that I see all the time in myself and the leaders I coach. It’s also an easy way to burn yourself out.

When the going gets tough for many of my leadership coaching clients, they feel they have to get going. So they push themselves harder. But as therapist Aundi Kolber writes, that’s a recipe for burnout. Why not “try softer”?

Fred Rogers famously encouraged children to “look for the helpers.” For the leaders I coach, that advice no longer quite fits. They’re the helpers now. But if they’re going to avoid burnout, they need to help differently.