Hold Strong Emotions
Fred Rogers taught beautiful lessons about the importance of being able to hold strong emotions as leaders. His 1981 encounter with young Jeff Erlanger inspires how I coach leaders feeling depleted and burned out.
Erlanger was born in 1970. At the age of seven months, a tumor was found on his spine. Removing it left him a quadriplegic, and he would spend his life in a wheelchair. In the years that followed, he would have several more surgeries.
Before one particularly dangerous operation, his parents asked him what he wanted. He asked if he could meet Mister Rogers.
That simple request led to his appearance on the show. According to his parents, the encounter between Erlanger and Rogers was essentially improvised.
When I watch that video, two things come up. First, I feel a deep swell of emotion behind my eyes and in my shoulders and stomach as I watch the boy talk with such clarity and composure about his life and witness how Rogers gently receives his story.
But then, I notice how Rogers is reacting, because I know he must be feeling the same things I am. He’s not distracted, nor does he try to change the subject or pull away. He leans toward Erlanger. He maintains eye contact. He becomes curious. He even can sing a song.
In other words, he treated Erlanger with exquisite dignity.
That second realization is far more important than the first. Rogers is teaching us the profound emotional and physical labor of compassion, what it takes to suffer alongside others in ways that transform their lives for the better.
My coaching clients aren’t coming from the same adversity as Erlanger. But they are facing challenges that bring their own level of pain, anger, uncertainty, and even embarrassment. And my clients’ pain, anger, uncertainty, and embarrassment is always uniquely theirs.
Part of my job as a coach is receiving and holding those emotions, just like Rogers was able to do. In the process, I can help my clients learn not only how to meet their challenges with confidence but also to hold the emotions that come with those challenges differently.
Because if we can build our capacity to hold our complex emotions gracefully and well, we won’t be mastered by them, and they won’t leak out and poison our leadership environment. We will be able to transform adversity in powerful ways.
But more important, in learning how to hold our emotions better, we will also be able to hold the emotions of others when they need our support. And in a leadership context that is complex and constantly unpredictable and changing, we need this capacity more than ever.
What are your challenges? How might holding them differently change your leadership? Book your free Discovery Session here.
