What’s Better than Advice

When I’m coaching leaders, one of the first things we talk about is my perspective on giving advice, which is pretty simple: I don’t. Here’s why.

Coaching builds our capacity and confidence in meeting our unique challenges. It assumes that, regardless of how many struggles we might be having, each of us brings a unique set of strengths and capabilities, as well as a lifetime of wisdom.

As a coach, I’m interested most in building up your strengths and helping you find solutions that make sense to you and fit your life and work. I’m not interested in making you feel weak, discouraged, or deficient.

And that’s what giving advice often does, for two reasons.

First, I’m not you. I don’t have your job, your experience, your education, or your challenges. I don’t have your history growing up in your unique body. I don’t have your gifts and strengths.

So if I give you ten pieces of advice, one piece will hit the mark, because even a broken clock is right twice a day. Three will sort of hit. And the remaining six will either be completely irrelevant to you or make you feel frustrated, incompetent, or even judged or shamed.

Second, if I give you advice, I’m doing the work for you. I’m making coaching about me and my expertise, when it should be about building you up. I’m denying you the ability to learn for yourself and develop your own skills.

“Fixing” or “saving” you with advice is a form of existential robbery that can deepen your feelings of powerlessness.

So advice is a no-no in coaching.

But if I’m not giving advice, what am I giving you? Three things:

First, I offer questions that challenge you to see old problems in fresh ways. You’re not here to complain or vent. You’re coming to learn how to think differently about the challenges you’re facing. Strong questions do this, and I ask a lot of them.

Second, I give you my perspective based on my nearly 25 years experience as a leadership communication professor and practitioner. Unlike advice, the context, background, and insight I provide focuses on deepening your understanding and awareness and always comes with a chance to reflect, respond, and even reject what I say.

Third, I provide feedback that helps you hear yourself. In leadership, we’re often dealing with problems so complex that just talking about them feels like treading water. Mirroring back what I'm seeing, sensing, and hearing—again with your permission—helps you find your feet.

Imagine having a thought partner who didn’t try to “fix” you but instead offered questions, perspective, and feedback that helped you think, deepen your understanding, and find your feet.

How would that change your life? How would it change your leadership?

Why not find out for yourself? Book your free Discovery Session here.