Experiments, Not “Homework”
My coaching sessions always end with leaders committing to doing things that carry them forward. This practice is one of the important differences between coaching and therapy. Here’s how I do it.
Some coaches call these commitments “homework,” but the term sounds too much like school for me. It suggests that clients are going to be graded in some way, or that I’ll be disappointed in them if they don’t get it done.
When that happens, clients get focused on checking off boxes or pleasing me instead of their growth. Even worse, they cancel their appointments because they’re too ashamed they didn’t get their homework done.
That’s why I prefer to call these commitments “experiments.” The first goal of any experiment is simply trying something new to see what happens next. We’re pushing gently against our growing edge. Sometimes, that edge gives a little bit, and we make progress.
When progress happens, we celebrate, of course. Yet, while making incremental progress toward a goal is an important side-benefit of an experiment, it’s not the goal. Sometimes, our growing edge will push back. We’ll get bogged down or chicken out. Or maybe the experiment will have the exact opposite result of what we hoped.
In the world of “homework,” we’re ashamed of those results. In the world of experiments, we celebrate the unexpected and unwanted, because we’re learning.
In fact, unexpected and unwanted results often teach us the most.
If you found a particular task difficult, what made it so?
If you felt uncomfortable, where did that discomfort first come up?
If you got bogged down or distracted, what was competing for your attention?
And might those things tell you about what you’re truly needing or valuing right now?
All of these questions encourage you to value the process over the result. Asked enough times, they will also encourage you to exchange what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a fixed mindset for a growth mindset.
And a growth mindset will help you tell a different story about yourself that helps you lead yourself and others more fully.
Imagine having a place where you felt safe enough to try new things, take small steps, and mess up a little.
Imagine having someone interested in celebrating your mistakes as well as your successes.
Imagine learning to see mistakes as signs of progress as a leader and human being.
My coaching can help you do all these things. Want to know more? Book your free Discovery Session here.
