Become a listening acrobat
As a coach who works with social sector leaders experiencing burnout, listening is a big part of what I do. It’s also one of the most challenging things I do. We underestimate how hard listening is.
Communication ethicist and listening researcher Lisbeth Lipari writes that starting as children, we learn to take shortcuts with listening, not because we’re lazy but because there’s just so much to take in.
Our world is a buzzing, confusing place of sensations. If we paid attention to everything we encounter inside and outside ourselves, we wouldn’t be able to function.
Over time, we learn how and when to take imaginative leaps, which problems are worth caring about, what details are important and what we can filter out, what emotions and physical sensations are worth noticing, and who is worth trusting and hearing.
Those habits of listening (or not listening) stick.
In other words, to handle the confusion around us, we deafen and numb ourselves to life.
We focus on some problems or issues while avoiding or ignoring others.
We push through when our bodies say no.
We filter out ideas or perspectives that might make us feel uncomfortable.
We ignore information that doesn’t match our core beliefs.
We render whole classes or groups of people invisible.
And we become so good at deafening ourselves that most of the time, we don’t even notice we’re doing it.
Our habits of listening may help us get through the day, but over time, they do real harm to both ourselves and others. For leaders, those habits can be a big part of what's holding them back from serving others and their organizations better.
Yet, as problematic as these habits are, Lipari emphasizes that everyone—even the “best” of us—has them and needs them. They play a big role in helping us navigate life. But this doesn’t let us off the hook. Even though we all have habits of listening, we can create new ones to help us listen better.
Lipari describes this process as a sort of acrobatics. We can train our minds, imaginations, hearts, and bodies to increase how much tension we can hold. We can learn to balance in new ways. And we can build the strength to support each other better.
Want to become a listening acrobat? My coaching can help. Book your free Discovery Session here.
