Having Your Back
Fun fact with the World Series starting: Psychologists James Coan and Erin Maresh note that sports teams exhibiting lots of social touching perform better than teams that don’t. This insight influences how I coach leaders under stress.
Let’s be clear: Coan and Maresh aren’t saying that team members should suddenly start invading each other’s personal space and boundaries. Touching, in and of itself, isn’t their focus here. They’re interested in what that touching means to the team members and what it reveals about their relationships among each other.
When we’re watching, say, members of a baseball team giving each other pats on the back or high fives, we’re seeing people who are fundamentally comfortable with each other. They know each other, trust each other, and respect and rely on each other.
That comfort, knowledge, trust, respect, and mutual interdependence aren’t just nice things to have, Coan and Maresh argue. They are actually changing the teammates’ brains in ways that help them use their energy differently.
Instead of burning calories to beat themselves up because they struck out, they can focus their energy on making the next play. Coan and Maresh call this “social buffering,” in which our relationships with others help regulate emotions in moments of distress and improve performance.
Instead of being intimidated by their underdog status, they can direct their energy toward what they need to do to win. Coan and Maresh call this “risk distribution,” in which we look to groups to manage challenges we can’t meet alone, and “load sharing,” in which we actively help each other to meet those challenges.
High levels of social buffering, risk distribution, and load sharing are all indicators of groups who can handle stress. Those high fives we’re seeing both signal that resilience and sustain it.
But again, the high fives aren’t enough. We can’t high-five ourselves to relationships grounded in comfort, trust, and mutual respect. It’s the other way around.
So if you’re feeling burned out, look at your system:
How often do you feel like the people you work with have your back?
How much do you trust them to share what’s really going on?
How aligned are the challenges your team is tackling with your own priorities and values?
How confident are you that your teammates can handle those challenges?
How willing are you to share the load with them—and they with you?
If your answers to these questions are low, then you’re primed for burnout. And you may be especially vulnerable if you’re leading a team like this.
Coaching can help you change this situation for the better. Want to know more? Book your free Discovery Session here.
